heartbreaker.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

An International Chick's Advice on...
*Unexpected Public Boob exposure*

1. In a social situation or at work.
tuck boob back inside dress/top n continue chatting. your co-chatter will be so engrossed in your description that they will not notice a thing. simple, see?

2. whilst on stage.
continue singing or acting n use actorly over-the-top arm movements to discreetly tuck boob back inside costume. the audience will be so entranced by the performance that they will not even notice the boob that dropped out.

3. at a wedding.
refrain from wearing possible boob-revealing attire, thereby totally avoiding the possibilty of boob exposure. wear only buttoned-to-chin tops/dresses. with long sleeves. you won't make quite a fashion statement you'd hoped, its rude to snatch the limelight from the bride anyway.

4. on the beach in the south of France/beach in the Netherlands;various other parts of mainland Europe.
quickly whip off your dress/top n reveal the other boob. beaches in those places are topless, with only one boob display, you would be severely overdressed. additionally, it's a good idea to wear minuscule, bottom revealing thong or people will think that you are a prude.

*International flights*
1. when flying, DO NOT under any circumstances, glance out of the window n ask, "what's that big wing-shaped thing out there?" it is a wing. planes need them to fly. don't ask why. don't be surprised to discover the plane has two of them.

2. also when flying, refrain from asking the stranger sitting next to you where he/she is going. THEY ARE GOING TO THE SAME PLACE AS YOU.

3. plane toilet doors can be very tricky, especially important to check if the door is locked so that either
- the elderly man who opens the door n finds you in mid-flow, does have have instant coronary (some disease of a heart lah;that's what it says in the dictionary)
- the gorgeous, utterly edible man you spotted two rows ahead of you does not walk in unexpectedly n get a really good look at your you-know-what.

4. never. EVER. crack a joke with an immigration officer. they can be nice, but they have more power than God when comes to allowing you into their country. example when being asked if are you carrying any fresh food or meat products, the correct response is not to batter eyelashes n say, "if i answered yes, would that involve strip search?" respond correctly, n say "no, sir/madam".

*Strange British Words*
Arse = Ass/bottom: referred as PIGU in chinese, or BUTTOCK/BUM for some of us, not some poor,down-on-their-luck, homeless person.

Tramp = Bum: tramp is just to confuse you. (:

Mardy = sulky/whiny: "don't be a mardy arse" = don't be a sulky/whiny person.

please pass me the rubber = please pass me the eraser
(i think WE should know this, sounds like some sort of SINGLISH)

pissed/pissed off: pissed can also mean drunk. "pissed as a fart" = really, really drunk

knickers = underpants/briefs: when someone answers you with a vehement (intensity of feeling) "knickers". they're not discussing your underwear, they're DISAGREEING.

*Visiting the Netherlands*
1. Dutch public parks.
imagine this: you're taking a walk in a park when suddenly you see a lot of naked people. they're not protesting or making a political statement. they were just enjoying the lovely sunshine n park's nudist area.

2. sightseeing in Rotterdam.
imagine you're heading towards a metro station. the sign for the metro station features an ad for plastic surgery. it also features "before" n "after" shots of bare boobs jobs n bottom jobs in thongs.

3. Dutch TV.
don't be shocked by
- naked boobs
- naked/thonged bottoms
- curse words
- explicit ads for sex chat lines

4. Dutch alcohol regulations.
legal age for purchasing alcohol in New Jersey: 21
Britain: 18
Netherlands: 16, but at 16, you can only order beer or wine.

*International shopping*
1. clothes size.
american size 6 = british 10 = european 36

2. shoe sizes.
american size 8 n a half = british 6 = european 39

3. bra sizes.
american n british size 34B = european 75b = france 90b

*# always quote american sizes when shopping for clothes, british size when shopping shoes, FRENCH sizes when shopping for bras.

haha. something to keep you all occupied n interesting to read. hope you've enjoyed what i've posted. (:

| 3:22 PM |

KISSED.